


The Odd Couple

by The_Marron



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Developing Friendships, Humor, Jealous Kylo Ren, M/M, not entirely canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:20:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7297408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Marron/pseuds/The_Marron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For never was a story of more woe<br/>Than this of Hux and Dameron Poe.</p><p>Somehow Hux and Poe become almost-not-really-friends, Poe flirts and risks his life by doing so, Kylo Ren rages (again) and Hux is done and confused. Also evil, let's not forget that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Odd Couple

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by space-emos' comic, the whole first part is taken from here: http://space-emos.tumblr.com/post/144457953476/its-the-time-of-night-where-i-think-about-why#notes It is a wonderful, wonderful piece of art and I die everytime I look at it, so you should too :D
> 
> Also, I've clearly seen the road to El Dorado one time too many. And Pirates of the Carribean too. So, any references to both of these works are compeletly intentional because I am an awful human being who operates on references, do forgive me.
> 
> I still don't have any idea how to write Rey. I am sorry. 
> 
> But hey, it's my first Stormpilot fic, let's celebrate!

"Comfortable?" Poe looked to the left. There he was, the man who stopped the blaster. There weren't many things that could shock him these days, but stopping a blaster shot in the air definitely deserved attention. It wouldn't do good for the dark figure to know how strong impression this performance left on Poe's mind, though. So he moved his gaze, searching for something else to concentrate on. He had an image to uphold after all, and being flippant required some foundation. He searched the cell and... Yes, there it was. Something interesting. Or rather, someone.

"Pretty cool, yeah. Who's that hot mess beside you?" He asked, his tone carefully flat.

"Hot...?" Gasped the hooded man, incredulously, while the 'hot mess', the pretty ginger beside the murderous spectre just murmured 'mess?', his face twitching with silent outrage. Aww, he was cute. As cute as an officer could be, at least, which meant very, very cute. Poe should look into his preferences someday, they were starting to worry him.

"Yeah, you, Red." He replied, sending an amused look to the black evil wonder. He seemed stuck in stupor, apparently still progressing Poe's previous words. Huh. He turned back to the red-haired man.

"Are you doing anything later?" He added a wink, just in case. The man took a few steps forward, at least intrigued, every step followed by the gaze of his companion. Masks could be pretty expressive, as it turned out.

"Just my work." The man replied, and Poe smiled triumphantly. "And my name's not Red. It's Hux." That took the smile off Poe's face for a second.

"General Hux???" He said with awe, and genuine, at that.

"The very same."He had heard of the man before and always imagined the greatest enemy of the Resistance to be someone older and scary, his lines as twisted as his soul. And he was met with a young man with eyes brilliant as his mind... Who knew that evil could be sexy? The creature in the mask coughed. _Ah, but of course_. A mind-reader. Interesting.

"It's an honour to finally meet you, general... I'm work." He added, in the most flirty voice he could muster. And he could muster flirting pretty well, he had been told. Within seconds the room was filled with a loud noise of a lightsaber being turned on and Hux's ' Ren! Don't you dare! We have orders!. Poe might've been the prisoner but in that moment he couldn't stop himself from a triumphant smile.

*

He didn't meet the general, or Kylo Ren for some time, mainly due to this whole Starkiller business, and hey, now he had Finn to flirt with, no matter how oblivious the boy was to it, so for some time he forgot.

And then they met again. "It is a lovely party, don't you think, general?" He asked, champagne in his hand, as he joined the red-haired general at the table.

"Indeed, Mister Dameron. So many important guests..." The general trailed off and looked him in the eyes. "Some seem to come from the other side entirely." Poe smiled at that.

"I was rather hurt you tried to kill me, but then again... I couldn't expect any less from the Order's best general." Hux smiled lightly in response, and for a second, Poe felt as if something cold brushed his neck. When he looked around, he noticed a black figure standing in the shadows at the opposite end of the room. Oh, this was going to be fun.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Mister Dameron." But the general's tone was... not exactly playful, not with the man's stoic face and cold, calculated voice, but it was bordering on pleased.

"I don't know. Maybe it would at least grant me a dance?"

The general scoffed.

"Doubtful. It's not what you want, after all." It was Poe's turn to smile.

"I might want to know why are you here." He offered, making sure that his gaze, fixed intently on Hux's face was obvious. The cold feeling intensified.

"For the same reason you are here. To discuss an eventual treaty with the host." Ah, he was blunt. Good. Poe liked blunt people, they were so fun to rile.

"I think you are doing a better job, then. With the way you look, no one would think about refusing you anything." He even winked at that and yes, the cold feeling transformed into full shivers. And truth be told, the general did look dashing in his white uniform and a red cape to complete it. It contrasted well with his hair. _And he is truly, the prettiest person at the party, maybe now something might come of it..._  ,Poe thought, as loudly as he could. Aaaand, yes, there it was, the clank of something metal hitting the ground.

"What is the use of all these pleasantries? I won't help you with your treaty, you know that." The general was now looking at him with suspicion and answering 'I enjoy tormenting your jealous watch dog' would possibly not be considered a good answer.

"I just really want to dance with you, general. Have you seen yourself? You cannot blame me..." He let his voice go low and ignored the odd look Hux sent his way.

"If you say so. Fine, let's dance." The general sighed, as he stood up, and Poe all too gladly took his hand in his and led him on the dancefloor. "It'd do good for our host to see that we can play nice." He added, but so quietly, that no one but Poe could hear him. "It is wonderful to know that someone still believes in good manners. Especially someone that handsome" He added louder, as they started to sway.

The noise of a turned off lightsaber and fast, angry footsteps worked for Poe better than any compliment.

*

Things with Finn got somehow more serious than Poe would have thought, namely, Poe had developed a full-on crush on the boy who was still very decidedly oblivious. Rey was no help whatsoever, mostly because she was busy with being the Chosen One, or whatever General Organa's brother was telling her she was, so no one, simply no one could tell him about the way Finn might, or might not feel. It was not like Finn had any family who knew him before... Or, had he?

Of course, there were many different reasons why asking general Hux of the First Order for a love advice was a very, very bad idea, but drunk Poe decided they were all stupid anyway. Besides, at least Hux accepted his flirting. Sure, he was evil and all, but at least he knew that Poe was a handsome, handsome man that shouldn't be ignored.

So, in his drunken haze, Poe decided to ask Hux for help. The fact that the general even accepted the comm was surprising, something Poe would probably be worried about had he been in a different state. But he wasn't, so he told Hux everything.

"So, Mister Dameron, you called me to talk about your love life?"

"Basically." Poe agreed, his tone as dejected as he felt. "You at least appreciate that I'm a catch."

The silence lasted as Hux blinked at Poe a few times, for a good measure.

"Oh, gods, you are serious."

Hux sighed.

"This conversation did not take place, are we understood?"

"Yup." Drunk Poe was ready to accept anything, as long as it got him Finn.

"Good. How do you know he doesn't reciprocate?"

"He doesn't flirt back! He smiles at everyone! And if they flirt with him he simply answers them kindly and, and... It's like he likes Rey better than me!" Sober Poe would be ashamed at the whine at the end, but drunk Poe was very much in favour of whining. Hux, not so much.

"I have no idea why you think I could be of help, but..."

"At least you have Ren!" Poe accused, feeling that Hux getting attention from both Kylo Ren and Poe, no matter how playful it was, was simply unfair. Someone should flirt with Poe too!

"What." The general blinked again. Was he an owl?

"Don't you play coy with me, you..."

"... Dameron, wait a second, someone is..." There was some noise on Hux's side, as if someone was trying to barge in, but Poe was too into his Dramatic Monologue to care.

"... You think it is easy? To watch you with him while I know, I know, I won't have the same?"

"...Shut up, disconnect, now!"

"I WANT TO BE LOVED, HUX! I DESERVE IT!"

"REN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!" And the line went dead, as Hux's comm died under the well-known for Poe sound of a lightsaber. Stupid Hux and his happy love life, really.

*

Next time Poe saw general Hux both of them cursed the circumstances that led to this meeting.

Or, maybe, Poe cursed the fact that the universe wanted him dead, but lacked the skill to make its wish come true. How else could he explain the fact that he had been shot off the sky yet again and survived? Someone out there was not doing their job. Not that Poe actively wanted to die, thank you very much, but being stranded on yet another unknown planet was getting boring. Surely, the universe could be more creative than just granting him a different companion in his suffering this time?

Poe looked sadly at the remains of his X-wing. It was a good X-wing. Without it the Resistance had, like... ten left? He sighed with resignation and moved his gaze to the figure sitting on the grass next to a very banged up TIE fighter.

"I didn't know you could pilot anything." He said, sitting down next to the general. Not a great conversation starter, but Poe wasn't in a great mood either. Besides, the fact that they haven't killed each other yet was promising.

"Yes, you are not the only one. " Hux bit out and refocused on wrapping the tethers of material around his leg.

"Oh, somebody mocked the great general? Shall I defend your honour?" Poe teased, noticing with pleasure that now the general was no longer in his uniform. He was in a tank top, the rest of his uniform destroyed to be used as bandages. Poe might be irrevocably in love with Finn but it didn't stop him from appreciating Hux's arms and neck. He might be loyal and in love, but he wasn't blind.

"Oh, spare me. Ren is nowhere to be seen, the only person you are irritating is me." Poe feigned wounded expression and looked at the TIE fighter.

"Do your comms work?" Hux stopped his fight with the ruined uniform and looked at Poe with anger.

"No. You destroyed them." He muttered darkly.

"You tried to kill me!" Poe defended, because, really, if it wasn't for the general he would have been still in space, shooting down the enemy ships.

"That's what battle is about, remember?!" Hux hissed and with a huff he went back to tending to his leg. He seemed to be in an awful mood and somehow Poe could guess that he had been in one even before Poe decided to take him down with him. Then again, as far as Poe was concerned, Hux was always in bad mood.

"But, shouldn't your fighter be better than others? You are the big boss, you should have a indestructible, Poe-proofed machine."

Sullen silence was his only answer.

Poe prided himself on being intelligent, even though most of the people assumed that he was too pretty to possess a brain.

"Oh... Don't tell me... It's not your fighter. You shouldn't even pilot it, am I right?" He asked with a groan. If Hux took this fighter without permission it meant that no one knew that Hux was somewhere here. Which meant- no one would find them. Of course, Poe could imagine better places to be than in First Order prison, but at least there were some chances he would be able to escape from there, again. Here, on this planet he didn't even know the name of, these chances seemed slim at best. What if Finn thought he was dead? Again? But this time he decided to meet someone and last time he met Rey, and...

"Why did you do it?!!!" He shouted in frustration and leaned back to lie on the grass.

"Because I am an officer, not an accountant, because I am 'just a co-commander' and my presence is not crucial on the bridge, and most importantly, because I could." That was strangely emotional, especially for Hux.

"Someone suggested you couldn't?" He ventured, looking up. The sky reminded him of D'Quar, it was so blue... Finn was possibly with Rey know, waiting for him to come back with the rest of his men. Possibly Jess would tell them how he got engaged in a fight with a very tenacious TIE fighter and managed to take it down with him after he'd been hit. He'd become a lost hero. _Again_. How original.

"Something like that." Hux was done with his leg and was now trying to get up. He even succeeded.

"But no one would... Ah. Trouble in paradise?" He even wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I have no idea what do you mean." Hux answered as he limped a few steps.

"The sad thing is, I actually believe you. " And he did. No wonder Hux was no help in Finn situation. He was actually as bad as Finn at getting a clue. Nice. Did that mean the next time he got drunk he should be calling Kylo Ren? At least he would understand.

"Where are you going?" Hux simply turned to him, a smug smile gracing his lips.

"To find civilization. Unless you want to stay here like a damsel in distress, waiting for your knight in white armour to save you? _Again_?"

Ugh, Hux was the worst. He was much cuter when he was standing quietly behind Ren. With a resigned sigh, he stood up and followed Hux, trusting in the military instinct the man should possess.

*

"Have you ever imagined you will die like this?" He asked almost ten hours later as they were laying in the middle of a meadow, their rations of water made at the stream long gone.

"The bantha is a surprise." Hux answered, sounding as tired as Poe felt. Only the bantha gave them any resemblance of shade, and to be quite honest, Poe wasn't even sure if the creature was truly even a bantha. It looked like one, but it was bigger and... fluffier. It also seemed to be quite used to seeing humans, which gave them some resemblance of hope when they saw it. It was two hours ago. At least it didn't try to run.

"Any regrets?" "I didn't become an Emperor, that's one."

"A big one. You don't regret not killing me?"

"Not really. I mean, sure, you are a pain in the ass and an enemy, but... No, I don't think so. Do you?"

"No." For some reason, maybe the feeling of imminent death entering his mind, Poe felt at the moment a great fondness for this homicidal maniac. "I just regret that I didn't kiss Finn. Just this once. He could refuse me and hit me right after but... It would've made a nice memory to hold on to..."

"I'm sorry you didn't get to meet him before this happened. If it is any consolation, I didn't know it was you I was shooting at." Hux sounded strangely human like that.

"I didn't know I was shooting at you either. I'd never harm someone that pretty." He tried for a joke, because the atmosphere really got gloomy. They should at least die in a relative peace of mind.

"I told you to stop it. Ren is not here to hear you."

"I flirt with you, not with him, in case you haven't noticed."

"Yeah, and that's what makes him mad. You know, he is not the centre of attention for once."

It was Poe's turn to blink.

"I am willing to bet you twenty credits that it is not true."

"Oh?"

"I mean, he is upset because I flirt with _you_. Especially you. And no, not because you are his rival either, before you jump into this conclusion." Why, why was the galaxy filled with clueless sexy men? And why did Poe have to deal with them?

"If you are suggesting what I think you are..."

"I definitely am, come on Huxxy, you are an observant man, they didn't make you a general for your charming personality! Although..." He earned a swat at the head with that.

"I will take that bet. And don't ever call me that again, or I'll execute you myself." Poe raised eyebrows at that.

"Prim and proper general Hux would stoop to gambling? I am appalled." He ignored the comment about execution. They were dead either way, at this point it sounded almost like kindness. Provided Hux even knew such word.

Hux sat up.

"You don't have twenty credits."

"Neither do you at the moment, we will have to postpone the payment."

"May I remind you that we are going to die here?" Hux attempted to stand up and swayed on his legs, the wound in his thigh finally acting up, with the adrenaline long gone. Poe jumped up to catch him.

"Way to stay positive, Hux." Before he could continue that particular train of thought, there came a loud rumbling, and seconds later the sun disappeared completely, hidden behind the clouds. With another rumbling came a wall of rain.

"We are saved!" Hux shouted, still in Poe's arms and Poe was too happy to restrain himself from hugging the man. They stood that way for some time, laughing in delight, soaking in the rain and finally feeling as if they could make it.

And then Poe heard it.

The unmistakable sound of a lightsaber being turned on. Only now it crossed his mind how it must've looked like. He, shirtless, because he forgone his shirt in the heat a few hours ago, with Hux, also devoid of top at the moment, clinging to him and laughing. In the rain. With water sliding down their bodies. They must have looked like some cliché lovey couple from romantic holo-vids. He wouldn't have minded that much had he been here with Finn. Mostly because it would have been Finn, but also because he wouldn't be fearing being murdered by Kylo Ren.

He pushed Hux away and the general only now noticed the knight's presence.

"Ren, do not harm Mister Dameron, I know..."

"You know nothing!" Ren roared and took few steps forward, his wet hair clinging to his face. Oh, right, his face was bare, Poe's mind noticed, now that it wasn't so concerned with being killed for something he wasn't even guilty of.

"I come back from my mission to learn that you went into the battle like some kind of moron you clearly are, then they tell me you've been taken down so I search for you because I refuse to believe you would die just like that and what do I find? You. With him. Naked." The last word was a growl and Poe had a sudden need to hide behind Hux's slighter frame. Hux was taller, he would protect him, right?

"And that's what you get out of this?!" Hux hissed, clearly as angry as Ren, though the lack of lightsaber kinda put Ren's anger as scarier. But only by a small measure.

"What else should I get out?! I get it, for some reason you prefer him...!" And that was it, Poe was officially done. He could see where this was going and frankly, he was too tired and too hungry to care. His fear disappeared now, giving space to irritation.

"It would be far more effective if you, I don't know, told him what you feel? He is pretty dumb when it comes to these things, trust me, I'd know."

He was met with two outraged stares.

"How dare you..." Hux started, but Poe just pushed him forward, in Ren's direction.

"Trust me, in the name of our new broship born of almost dying together, you will thank me for this." And with that, he left the two morons, deciding to die alone, knowing that he did the right thing. He was practically a saint. And good people should be rewarded, right? Maybe the whatever deity dealt with good people would decide he was good enough to be granted a Finn to lead him to wherever the good people went?

He lay down on the on the wet grass and closed his eyes, enjoying the rain, the distant sounds of a couple arguing and letting the exhaustion and lack of water take him.

*

"I hope he is alive."

"He better be, I had to survive watching my insane cousin snogging his homicidal lover to get to him, it should be worth it."

"Will he be okay, though?" Ah, that sounded like Finn. Lovely, wonderful Finn, his voice filled with concern and worry. Poe was ready to fight the person Finn was so intent on saving, but after a while, he realized it was in fact his hand that Finn was holding in his strong but caring grip. That made it alright. He even opened his eyes and was greeted with faces of a very determined Rey and his worried, wonderful Finn.

"You found me!" He croaked, his voice betraying him as it had never done before. He really almost died, he realized.

"Of course we did. I felt in the Force that you survived. All we had to do was to find out where it took you this time." Rey answered while Finn simply stared at him in awe, as if he didn't believe Poe would make it this time.

"And General Hux helped. He sent us coordinates." Finn added, bewilderment evident in his voice.

"Yeah, we kinda bonded here. You know..." But, the words, and most especially, his tongue betrayed him once again.

"You... With the general...?" Finn sounded almost hurt. Or at least disappointed. "But he was with Kylo Ren when we..."

"Don't remind me." Rey interrupted. "I cannot forget it soon enough."

"I thought..." But Poe did not learn what Finn thought because Finn picked that moment to grow silent and try to take his hand out of Poe's grasp.

"There is no one I'd like to see more than you." Poe confessed, because apparently, judging from Ren's example, that was the way to go. "I would even survive Hux if it meant I could see you again." He added, because he was a sap, a flirt and so glad to be alive.

"Ugh. I don't get you. Like, any of you. Is this so important now?" But Poe didn't hear Rey's complaints, or rather, he didn't pay any attention, because as he sat up on his bed in what seemed to be a Resistance shuttle, he was crushed in Finn's enthusiastic hug. "It is important, Rey. Very, very important." Finn whispered, and Poe didn't try to fight off the huge grin. Finally!

The kiss that followed muted any protests Rey might've had.

*

Few days later, Poe Dameron of the Resistance received a transfer of twenty credits with a simple 'Poe, it would have never worked between us' as a following message.

'Keep telling yourself that, general' Poe sent back and with a smile he went to inform General Organa of the new data from the _Finalizer_.

And to ask Finn on a date. He had twenty credits to spare.


End file.
